Starting the NH48
Have you ever stood at the top of a mountain 4,395 ft above sea level and felt like the World finally made sense to you? That up above, so far away from society, from the daily life pressures, from work, school, and the nagging of society telling you who to be, that you could possibly find some form of your true self?
That was my experience back in 2015 while visiting Vermont again. On this trip I had the pleasure of hiking Mount Mansfield (the highest peak in Vermont) via HellBrook Trail. This trail is one of the hardest routes to the summit. It is relentless, and brutal, but nothing beat the views from the top, and the feeling of accomplishment from hitting that summit.
(Mount Mansfield 2015)
It was unlike anything I had experienced before playing team sports, or in Crossfit, which tends to be a more individual thing. In that moment, as I stood at the summit, wind whipping my hair into a tornado of knots, watching the clouds roll in, and cover the tiny town of Stowe below, I felt a call to my heart that I had not heard before, and it was begging me to answer.
Fast forward to June 2015, with very little hiking done in between, I finally made the plunge and moved to Vermont. I had dreamed of living here since I was a kid skiing black diamonds near Killington. What I thought would be a time of epic hiking and camping became a whirlwind of losing and finding myself. I’ve learned though, every moment has its purpose and every decision and choice we make is a path leading us somewhere. If I never made the choice to move, if I never got into foraging and herbalism, if I never took the job at Kingswood, if I never got sober, who would I be? Where would I be? I’ll never know the answers to those questions that no longer plaque my mind. All I do know, now, is I’m finally happy where I am, in this very moment, on this very journey.
(Pierce 2021)
The first few years of living here weren't filled with epic summits; it was filled with me finding a side of myself I didn't know existed. It was a time for me to look at the life I was living and make a choice of how the rest of it was going to play out. Those first few years were a crucial piece to leading me to the journey I now find myself on. Hiking Mount Mansfield in 2015 was what has led me to chasing the ever famous NH48 4,000 footers. It was the first large mountain I ever summited and quickly became a moment I would revisit over and over again in my head as I wondered “What am I capable of? What other mountains are out there? What other parts of myself lie on top of peaks and summits I have not dared to reach yet?”.
After following many New Hampshire hiking groups, accounts on social media, and getting over my own self doubt, I finally said “FUCK IT- I’M DOING THIS!”. Those mountains I stared at from a far, hoping to be able to climb “one day” as I washed out another dream with a bottle of vodka, finally became something I was going to conquer. It no longer became acceptable to wish and dream about the life I wanted- it became a MUST loudly banging inside of my heart.
(Mt. Liberty looking at Flume Slide 2021)
For the longest time I didn’t feel like a hiker because I didn’t “look like a hiker”. What does that even mean? Look like a hiker. Where did I pick up this idea that my body needed to look a certain way to be valued for what it could accomplish? You know when you look like a hiker? When you hike fucking mountains. Not when the scale says a certain number. Not when you fit into a certain size of clothing or brand. Not when you don’t have cellulite anymore or finally have abs. You look like a hiker when you hike. Period. I was no longer willing to play the game in my head, I had dreams to chase!
And so it began! On September 11th, 2021, my friend and I set out for Mount Tecumseh. The car ride to the trailhead was filled with excitment and nerves like no other. Was I biting off more than I could chew? What this goal even attainable? Am I capable? Breathe. I reminded myself that I did climb the highest peak in Vermont, and with that thought I strapped myself into my backpack, and off we went!
I was not aware of the tradition of the flags on the NH48 until we reached the summit. On September 11th different groups throughout the region hike each 4,000 footer at sunrise and erect a flag. This is done to honor of all those who lost their lives on this tragic day in history. The flags stay up for the day and are then carried back down. This was such a great experience to start the list with, although it made for a packed tiny summit. We enjoyed a staircase-like climb, filled with so much laughter, and excitment. Hiking back down we were buzzing with energy from our accomplishment, as the laughter continued the whole way.
(Tecumseh 2021)
I’ll never be able to describe what it felt like to climb that first mountain on the NH48 list. I was riding a high I had never felt before, and was craving the next peak. I cried later that night because I was watching the woman I dreamed of becoming unfolding in front of me. All the hard work was paying off- and it wasn't just working out hard work, it was learning to believe in myself again, learning to push myself outside the comfort of the stories I kept reciting over and over in my head. The simple belief that I could lead me up that mountain on that Fall morning and it continues to push me forward as I’ve knocked off 6 NH48 4,000 footers since starting ( Mt. Tecumseh, Mt. Liberty, Mt. Tom, Mt. Field, Mt. Piece, and Mt. Jackson).
(Mt. Liberty 2021)
The mountains are a never ending journey and it's what I love so much about them. They are a source of push, of finding out who I am, how much grit I have inside me. They provide me with a space where I can get intouch with myself on the deepest levels. On the trails, everything that doesn't matter falls to wayside and I am left with self, able to explore whatever pops into my mind, and learn to hear what my body is trying to tell me. It's become a form of meditation for me, and a crucial piece of my sobriety.
Thats the beauty of hiking, this is what I fell in love with back in 2015, the constant push out of comfort. I lose parts of me that no longer serve and find better parts of me along the way. I’ve had some really great hikes full of laughter and some really difficult ones ( part of my soul is still on top of Mt. Liberty) where I had to battle my head telling me to quit with the endless burning sensation in my legs with each step forward.
Hiking and starting the jounrey of the NH48 has introduced me to an incredible community of people, people whom I never thought I'd be able to hike with. People who have accomplished amazing hiking challenges, and yet walk along side me and encourage me to keep going, This community is always willing to answer any questions I have about gear and trails, to welcome newcomers in with open arms and celebrate all the milestones. The hiking community is one of the best I have ever been apart of. Without all their encouragment, I may have never stepped on the trail in September.
(2021)
On each summit I am amazed by how far I can push physically and mentally, left jaw dropped at the vistas surrounding me. Each one so different from the last; from snow capped mountains, to firey reds and blazing oranges, to complete greenery. Every time I summit a mountain, I am left revealing in the beauty of this life, of Mother Nature, of this journey I am on and an endless well of gratitude for that Fall morning in Septemebr that I chose my dreams over my fear.
Here's to 42 more summits, and an endless journey of self discovery and love for these mountains!
(Pierce 2021)
